Lost in paradise.
Oh shit, here we go again.

Why is it everytime I try to be nice to people they start to get increasinly annoying and demanding? I'm just trying to socialize and not be that cynical bitch I really want to be, how the fuck is that the sign of "use me as often as you can"? Seriously, that's starting to be a problem. I am REALLY trying to not get involved, stopping myself from "oh that's really not all that out of my way and in no way a problem" which quickly escalates to "the fuck you think I am, your private taxi?".

Argh

Spent a whole day alone at work. Best shift I got in a few years. People are terrible and I hate them.

Yesterday used an AI to complete a song and now I'm procrastinating cause I feel like a shitty musician who can't even split this music into instruments and midi by ear. I just fucking can't! Not even the vocals, it all seems to be too fast and overwhelming. So I've spent a whole day watching interviews and comedy shows and reels and playing shitty games on my phone. Well done, Cauri, really fucking proud of you.

May be I want too much from myself, instead of doing small steps I want to get everything done IMMIDEATELY MOTHERFUCKER. Oh well, may be one day I'll learn.

@музыка: Cellar Darling - Avalanche

@темы: #never understood this life, #i hide behind these notes too well, #social skills I'm not sure I have