[all across the ocean]

Let me start at the end, that's how my emotions work.

I am stuck at home, waiting to get my son back any minute now. I've done absolutely nothing productive today and shame myself for it senselessly.

What am I afraid of?

I feel shame for letting him down. But how is it my fault he takes every-fucking-thing so bloody personally?

I feel unprofessional, imagining how much effort I need to put into my diploma and still feel like I'm no good enough. Though I am doing stuff I haven't even considered five years ago.

I feel like I betrayed something important telling him all that stuff. But I don't wanna hide a huge part of my life and my world view just cause he feels uncomfortable around it.

It's all because of my birthday coming up in a few weeks. It'll pass.