Lost in paradise.
Another thing I realised scrolling back my old post in a previous diary - I am terrified of change and all the challenges it brings with it. I used to get excited and ready to rock the world with all the new knowledge I gained while falling on my face for the millionth time. Right now I'm in a safe mode - routine is my everything. I am too fragile and chaotic right now to handle more chaos which any new thing brings with it. I need structure and certainty to feel safe.