[all across the ocean]

I need a fresh start. I suffocate in a place I am now. The only people that seem to still care about me are my mom and my son. Like I said before, it's more than most people have. But it's still not enough for me. Everyone has friends, hobbies, places they like to go to, people they like to be with, and I don't know what I am anymore and what the hell I need. No bloody idea.

I want to be the person I always dreamt of becoming - loving and caring mother, daughter and girlfriend, good friend you can rely on, a nice person to be around. But here I am, running away from everyone, because I can't bear staring them in the eyes.

Every time I start over I promise myself I won't do the same mistakes again. But it's like a circle - I always end up exactly where I started. And I always say to myself - not this time. This time I'm better, tougher, stronger, more clever and courageous. This will not happen to me ever again. I won't let it happen.

@темы: #I hide behind these notes too well, #you're only a memory

Comments

[not a cookie]

awwwww, sweetie
everything passes and this too will pass :3

[all across the ocean]

not a cookie,
Thanks. I know, it always does.
Right now I just really need to pretend that my past doesn't affect my present as much as it actually does. -_-

[not a cookie]

all across the ocean, oh, dear you.. don't worry, you're gonna be okay! If you need someone to talk to, you can always write me, I'm glad to help :3

[all across the ocean]

not a cookie,
I'm not sure I want to actually talk to someone, 'cos the problem is mostly in my head, it's not some Big Deal thing, just me being diffident, scared to talk to new people irl, obsessed with what other people think of me, scared to start anything new... In other words, I'm right back to where I started three years ago. Yet then I had the strength to do something about it, and right now all I want is to cuddle and cry. So I guess I'll just stick to writing to my new blog for now. But thanks for the offer anyway)